rachel twelmeyer

ready to be indoctrinated

I recently finished 1984 by George Orwell, and as perverse as the brainwashing tactics of Ingsoc are – I have to confess that I’m ready to do and believe whatever anyone tells me in one aspect of my life: eating.

I really like cooking. I consider myself a healthy eater (kale is a staple in our house, I typically have oatmeal for breakfast, I don’t buy a lot of candy), and in general I like food. But recently I just can’t bring myself to eat or think about preparing a meal. I acknowledge that I have a four-month-old baby and that he may be the cause for this anxiety and unrest, but I’m feeling ready for a mini revolution. I was recently discussing with a friend how bewildering this predicament can be; I feel comfortable with how my body looks, and so the motivation to eat well is totally non-existent. I can go the whole day having eaten some oatmeal in the morning, some peanuts throughout the afternoon (with a smattering of tortilla chips, of course) and then dinner time comes and I’m totally starving and nothing ever sounds good (or worth taking the effort to make). Plus, I’m planning on doing a triathlon this summer and I know that I’m gonna have to eat something in order to make that happen, but what?

Thus we arrive at my previous confession, that I am ready for some blogger, some cook, some instagram-guru to tell me exactly what to eat and when. But finding someone whose opinions and skills that are congruent with my own is tricky: some are too “healthy” and tasteless – regardless of how well photographed they may be; some seem to ignore vegetables; some have too much meat; some have too little meat; some seem waaay too high maintenance; while others are obsessed with being “quick”- which at times feels compromising; and still others are so bent on being healthy that they skirt around every conventionality so that nothing ever is what it actually is.

I just don’t feel as healthy right now as I want to be. I want to feel strong. I don’t want to get lightheaded when I stand up. And yet I don’t want food to be an unhealthy obsession – some game that you score points in based on the number of tablespoons of chia seeds you eat or the number of green smoothies you chug. I just want to eat food, and I want to feel healthy and strong.

Unfortunately, I know the conclusion that I must come to: I’m going to have to just do the work; I’m going to have to actually make meal plans, and then stick to them; I’m not going to be able to just waltz through the grocery store and hope that whatever I toss in the cart will be able to materialize into something edible; I’m going to have to read some books and make some decisions. Hopefully this is a jumping off point, and that I can check back in soon with good healthy news.

image via half baked harvest – and why can’t I eat that for dinner every night??


One Comment

  1. Posted April 1, 2016 at 11:11 am | Permalink

    hey Rachel! I’m Rachel J’s friend and that’s how I found your blog.
    I can totally empathise with this! The programme that most helped me was Whole30. They DO tell you what to eat, and they DO tell you what to shop for. Unlimited portions, eat once every three hours no matter what, and always prepare food in advance. It changed my life. Headaches, fatigue, migraines, gas, passing wind, indigestion, bloating, acne, those last five pounds are all things of the past. HELLO FEELING FRESH AND BEAUTIFUL every single day.
    start here: http://whole30.com/pdf-downloads/

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